Random musings...

I was recently asked how men(who are interested in dating) respond when I say that I have herpes.

With one exception, I have received positive responses for my honesty and forthright approach about having herpes. That *one exception* was right after I got my test results back. That was my fault, in part. I'd just gotten my results a week or so prior. My distress over my diagnosis affected how I told this person, and influenced the outcome. I'm not saying it would have changed the end result of my telling. I *AM* saying that, in this situation, my pain was too raw, and my lack of knowledge at that point...were factors in his reaction.

Having said that...I believe everything happens for a reason. It was this person's reaction that gave me impetus to make the decision to be public about my diagnosis, to become an activist, to help educate others about what herpes is and is not. I am in no way shy. I can be honest and frank, yet remain professional about what needs to be said/done. I am a decent speaker, and excellent writer, and I do not mind calling people onthe carpet when necessary (ie. back when I was in physical therapy and the therapist told me that herpes can be transmitted through water...AND put me in a area marked with a biohazard sign. That was documented, surruptiously audio-recorded (legally), reported, and posted on the internet for all to see.).

If something like that happened to another person, they might be emotionally devestated by that. Me? As someone I once knew told me, "Michelle, you have balls." And he meant that as a compliment. ;-)

I take action. I do what needs to be done. I make calls, file complaints with the appropriate agencies, and do my best to make sure that a similar incident does not happen to another person ever again.

I am upfront about my positive herpes diagnosis because that's simply the way I am. I am upfront, blunt, bold, and daring. *SMILE*. Or...as I describe myself here on Blogger... "I am an eclectic, optimistic, unconventional, quirky sort of person with a twisted sense of humor at times...occasionally silly, and often unpredictable. I'm a bundle of confusion, wrapped up in trouble, tied with a bow of spontaneity...with a card attached that says, "Surprise!" I'm perfectly imperfect, thank you very much! ;-)"

I am an activist. I believe that education and communication is the way to break down the barriers of negative connotation and stigma that surround having herpes. You don't have to do things as I do though.

Back to what this particular blog is about...

A friend of mine (who has herpes) received this response from someone she met through a dating site online. She asked for permission to share his response with people in one of the online groups I am involved with, and he gave his okay. I am reposting his response to her here, because I admire what he had to say...

I have a little better understanding of you now. So I will say this, I am neither stupid nor ignorant. I am fairly well versed on H Simplex and although it gives me reservations, its not a show stopper. Everyone is human, no one is perfect and you didn't ask for it. I understand its manageable. I don't know everything about it. I can only tell you "one thing".....if you love someone, nothing matters. You will change, stop or move heaven or hell for that person. I would give my life for someone I love. A lot of people can say that, but very few will actually do it. I am one of the few. I would take a bullet for the person I love. I would never sell my soul for it, but I would give up everything to find that special someone.

Perhaps someday, I'll be so lucky to have a man in my life who loves me like that. *SMILE*

There are *many* people out there that feel the same way. It's all a matter of education and communication. When I first found out I had herpes, I'll admit I was devastated. One of the things that helped me heal, beyond educating myself and learning that there were MILLIONS of people in the same boat that I am in...was that the man I loved at the time said just about the same thing to me...and I knew he meant it. You have no idea, nor did he probably, just how much I needed to hear him say that at that moment.

So for those of you out there reading this who have herpes and are afraid to tell a potential partner, or are afraid to date because you fear your potential partner's reaction...know that there are many kind, understanding people out there for whom herpes is simply a sidenote.

You don't have to tell a potential partner at the very beginning of your dating relationship that you have herpes. You might go out a few times, realize the person, male or female, isn't your type. Why bother sharing your STD status, in a situation like that, if there is no chance of becoming sexually/intimately involved with the person?

One thing that you *DO* HAVE to do, if you have a positive STD diagnosis of any sort is to tell your potential partner BEFORE becoming involved in a sexual/intimate manner with them.

That said, if you want more information on how to tell a person that you have herpes (or if your partner has herpes), here are a few sites to check out:

International Herpes Management Forum
Web MD: All About Genital Herpes: How To Tell Your Partner
Web MD: All About Genital Herpes: What To Do If Your Partner Has Herpes

Always remember, if you have herpes and need someone to talk to, that there are places online for you to go. Please check out the herpes links in the sidebar for further information and to find a support/social group in your area/state.

Love to all...

~ Michelle